By Reagan Scott
For the Register
Bishop James Conley recently hosted members of the Missionaries of the Holy Spirit in the Family (MHSF) at his home in Lincoln.
Thirty couples attended to spend time in fellowship and hear him speak on family life Feb. 25. Many came from Lincoln, but some traveled from as far as Columbus and Omaha for the event.
MHSF was started in October 2016 by co-founders Chance and Lora Unger and Father Benjamin Holdren. The apostolate is dedicated to “sanctifying the ordinary in marriage and family life,” according to the group’s website. The organization provides formation and community for couples to grow in holiness under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
There is a formal discernment process, described by Chance Unger as a mini-seminary experience for couples, so that those who join feel like they can fully give themselves to the mission.
The group started with one Lincoln-based chapter comprised of six couples. Today, there are 10 chapters, and 250 to 300 people make up the apostolate’s membership. While most of the chapters are located in eastern Nebraska, the newest chapter was formed in Minneapolis just a few weeks ago.
Chance Unger said he had been to functions at the bishop’s house before, and asked if he would be interested in having some families over for an evening.
“He was really open to that, and excited,” Unger said. “Our hope was that we could provide an evening that was intentional and social, and that Bishop Conley could speak on important themes in holy marriages from his perspective as a bishop.”
Unger said Bishop Conley shared some of his struggles and experiences with mental illness, and talked about the impact it can have on the family, but also acknowledged the joys and good things about marriage. He provided encouragement to the couples in their journeys to holiness through their vocations.
Bishop Conley said parents are the first and primary educators of their children, but also evangelizers for the communities in which they live. He said evangelization is done by living out one’s vocation in an authentic and transparent way, and the impact of living out one’s vocation as a parent makes a much bigger impact than a mother or father might think.
One theme the bishop touched on often was the connection between the vocations of celibacy and marriage.
“If one is in crisis, the other is in crisis,” Bishop Conley said. “So it’s no surprise, with the rise in the breakup of the family and marriage and divorce, and all of that, that we would also have a crisis in priesthood.”
St. John Paul II wrote about this connection in his apostolic exhortation, Familiaris Consortio. The bishop said John Paul II was noticing this connection in the 1960s and ’70s, and immersed himself into family life. Bishop Conley said couples can be an example to their own priests of how to live out the vocation of married life in modeling healthy love and raising children in the love of a community.
“Our priests need you to help them see that it is possible to live a joy-filled marriage,” Bishop Conley told the group. “There’s nothing more joyful for a bishop or a priest to meet a couple or a family who really is trying to live the faith. It just makes it all worthwhile, and I know our young priests believe it, too. It affirms our vocation, because we’ve given our lives to preach the Gospel… and when we see families that are responding and trying to live the faith in an authentic way, it confirms what we’re doing.”
Bishop Conley said that in the midst of living out one’s vocation, it can be tempting to fall into a pattern of self-reliance, instead of trusting God and his plan. St. John XXIII famously shared that during the Second Vatican Council he would go to bed with a simple prayer, “Lord, it’s your Church. I’m going to bed.”
This attitude is one that Bishop Conley said all people need to have; that praying a simple prayer like, “Lord, these are your kids, and my husband is your son,” or, “My wife is your daughter. I’m going to bed because I need sleep,” is healthy to do.
“The alternative is this ungodly self-reliance where I think it’s up to me and that I have to fix everybody’s problems,” Bishop Conley said. “And that’s a great freedom to be able to let go and know that it’s not up to me, that I do the best I can and then I surrender myself to God in his providence and he has a plan, which is far better than anything I could do.”
Encouraging the group members not to constrain their faith to Sundays alone, Bishop Conley said they should put on metaphorical glasses to look at everything through the lens of their faith. The goal of this is to help the faith permeate everything they do, from interactions with friends, family and community, to the way they view society and the media they consume.
“Everything we choose to do, especially as parents, you have to do through the lens of your faith,” Bishop Conley said.
The bishop said if parents can pass on the Eucharistic lens through which they see the world to their children, they’ll be anchored in their faith no matter what happens when they leave home one day.
Bishop Conley said it’s great when children can see the faith lived out in an authentic way through their parents and their parents’ friends.
“You’ve formed communities of families so that your children get to know other children whose families are trying to live their vocations in the best way they can,” he told the group. “I really do think [MHSF] is a work of the Holy Spirit. You can’t do it in this culture on your own. You need support, and you need to reach out to other couples who share the faith and are trying to do the same thing you’re doing. That’s what the Lord has called us to.”
While this was the first large gathering MHSF has held since the COVID-19 pandemic, Unger said the group is eager to restart its annual retreats and is looking to put together quarterly and biannual events for the group going forward, especially after the success of the event at the bishop’s house.
“It was a great opportunity for couples in different chapters to meet and get to know one another, to see that kind of commonality of mission,” Unger said. “It was a really good evening, really special.”
Tyler and Lauren Bassinger agreed. They have been a part of MHSF for three years.
“We completed our two-year formation period last year as part of the St. Maximilian Kolbe chapter,” Tyler explained, “and now Lauren and I are the facilitating couple for a new group, the Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin chapter.
“As we wrapped up our formation,” he continued, “we felt called to share the gift that MHSF has given to us, and facilitating a group has been a great way to do that by leading even more couples into a deeper understanding of their vocation and awareness of the Holy Spirit’s role in it.”
He said the apostolate has been a “tremendous encouragement to us in our journey to live a holy marriage and raise our children to become saints.” He said walking alongside other couples striving for the same goal has been a source of strength, inspiration, and hope.
“It really comes down to relationship – not only our relationship with the Holy Spirit and our spouse, but also the relationship and deeper connections we've made with other families in the apostolate.”
He added they were grateful for Bishop Conley's hospitality and encouragement.
“His support of MHSF means the world to us, and his remarks about the importance of our vocation in the life of the Church affirmed and strengthened our convictions to go against the grain of the prevailing culture to build our own 'domestic church.' We especially appreciated the Bishop's vulnerability in sharing some of his own struggles and relating to us in such a personal way. His call to live out our vocations with joy, zeal and courage further encouraged us to keep moving this apostolate forward and sharing the gift of MHSF with others.”
Those interested in MHSF can learn more about the apostolate at mhsfonline.org.
