By Fr. Adam Sughroue
Seminarian Formator: St. Gregory the Great Seminary
Pastor, Presentation Parish in Bellwood and St. Francis (Center)
There is an old story about a man who is walking down the street, and falls into a hole. A doctor walks by and the man yells up, “Doctor, help me, I’ve fallen into the hole and I cannot get out!” The doctor takes out his prescription pad, writes a prescription and throws it down the hole.
A priest walks by and the man yells up, “Father, help me, I have fallen down this hole and I cannot get out.” The priest writes out a prayer, and throws it down into the hole.
Finally, the man’s friend walks by. The man in the hole yells up, “Joe, help me, I have fallen in this hole and I cannot get out.” Joe jumps down into the hole with his friend.
His friend, the man stuck in the hole, says, “Why did you do that? Now we are both stuck in this hole.”
Joe responds, “I have been down here before. I know the way out.”
We all need a friend who knows the way out, the way to healing.
Everyone is broken and we live in a broken world, but we are not meant for this world. Jesus tells us in the Gospel, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy might be complete” (John 9:11). We are called to be “an Easter people, and Alleluia is our song,” as Pope St. John Paul II said in Australia Sunday, Nov. 30, 1986. What happens when joy is hard to find, and our song becomes anything but Alleluia? We are all broken, and we live in a broken world. Wounding happens in a broken world with broken people, wounding comes from trauma.
Trauma happens when someone is supposed to show us the love of God and they do not, or the love they offer is distorted. From our wounds, lies begin to be whispered to us by others and ourselves, and we start to believe them. We set ourselves up for self-fulfilled prophesies that “prove” our lies to be true. We put up false senses of security to protect our hardened hearts.
We live out shame cycles and emotional agitation cycles of hyper- or hypo-. Hyper-emotional agitation is when we cannot think logically and seem to be “running around like a chicken with its head cut off.” Hypo-emotional agitation is non-energy, lack of focus, and the Eeyore character: “Why bother?”
Shame and fear accompany wounds and lies. The evil one rejected God’s mercy and love and wants us to do the same. Shame and fear are the tools he uses to keep each of us an emotional shell.
When we are in emotional agitation cycles, shame, listening to lies, and living out self-fulfilled prophesies, we need someone who can help; someone who can help us to attain regulation. One way we do this is to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability is a dirty word for some, but it should not be! We are not called to be vulnerable at the same level with everyone we meet, but we are called to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is showing our hearts and souls to another person and asking them to hold them.
I have been blessed with numerous gifts: vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and the ability to disrupt. These gifts were sharpened and oiled at the Allender Center in Seattle.
One day in 2018, along with other priests, I was at a family’s home for dinner. Their daughter told me I should listen to a podcast called, “The Place We Find Ourselves” by Adam Young. I was reluctant to start; I had never listened to a podcast before. But I began to listen and something started to stir in my heart, my head, and my body.
I began to consume as many of the podcasts as I could. I found other podcasts (“Restore the Glory” by Bob Schuchts and Jake Khym; “Being Known” with Curt Thompson; and “The Allender Center Podcast” with Dan Allender and Rachel Clinton Chen) and they were all using different terminology, but had the same message: healing is possible! This began a long journey of healing and hope.
I learned more about Dan Allender and the Allender Center. After prayer and conversations with friends, I asked Bishop James Conley for permission to enroll in the program. He granted permission the following year, 2019. I earned a certificate in Narrative Focused Trauma Therapy in 2020, after 100 hours of classroom teaching and small group work.
After the first year, I was invited back to take a second year, completing the program in 2021 after an additional 50 hours of classroom teaching and small group work. We were taught that you can take someone only as far as you yourself are willing to go.
Through the work we did in the program, we learned the style of “story work” and brought our wounds to trusted, caring people who could offer attunement, containment, and love. Attunement is bearing witness by giving someone your full attention and letting that person affect you. It’s having confidence, on a person’s behalf, that goodness will come. Containment is the capacity to create and hold boundaries that provide honor, delight, and insight. The story is illuminated and there is movement. Love is willing the good for the other. We learned how to invite God into our wounds. While today, I do not agree with all of the teachings/beliefs of the Allender Center, my time there was beneficial.
Bishop Conley then appointed me to work at St. Gregory the Great Seminary as a formation coach. In seminary, formation happens under two large categories, external and internal. I work in the internal area; a spiritual director also works in internal formation..
I have had the holy privilege and blessing to walk alongside seminarians at St. Gregory the Great Seminary as we walk through stories of wounds and lies, and witness God’s healing. This is a reason to hope! Future pastors and shepherds of souls in various dioceses across the country are asking God for healing, and He is giving it to them! When members of their flocks approach them and ask for help, they will be able to say they know the way to healing.
One seminarian I have had the blessing to walk with is Deacon Augustine Reimers. We have walked together. In a Facetime with soon-to-be Father Augustine Reimers, he wanted to show me his chalice—it’s beautiful! Later in the conversation, he said, “Father, when I started meeting with you I was clothed in lies. Will you now clothe me in the priestly garments?” During the ordination Mass, newly-ordained priests are clothed with a chasuble for the first time.
I said, amongst tears, “I would be honored and blessed.”
Editor's note: The full text of Bishop Conley’s pastoral letter on Mental Health, an audio recording of the letter and an interview with the bishop are at lincolndiocese.org/afuturewithhope.
